When A Good Woman Stops Talking, This Is What Is Happening
The beautiful couple I’ve always admired.
It didn’t take me long to realize the wife was just a shadow of herself after a while.Even though I’m a Relationship and Marriage Coach, I do not pry into people’s lives unless they let me in on what’s happening and need my help.
Once, we had met and the bubbly, happy and lively lady I’ve once known was still a shadow of herself. Sad, depressed and full of regrets.
I sat there thinking of how to break the ice without being seen as intruding. Oh, the joy I felt when it was as though she could read my thoughts and spoke out. ‘Ody, I’m dying slowly. I’m not happy in this marriage and thinking of how to leave. I know you already have heard all my husband’s escapades plus the terrible way he treats me.’
She was right. I’ve heard everything but didn’t know if there were true or mere speculations but her words confirmed everything. The sad part for me was his refusal to change or get better. He just knew he was doing wrong but will quickly justify those wrongs.
We somehow lost touch for a while and the next time I saw her, she was so full of life. Two hours out of the three hours plus she spent at my place was used to answer a call. Not calls but a call, she kept giggling happily like a child and spoke happily as well. I just knew it wasn’t her husband.
‘Wow, that call must be from someone special. See the way you are glowing from just answering a phone call’, I teased her.
‘Oh yes, he is a special friend. Nothing more apart from the fact that he gives me joy and peace I haven’t had in my over 11 years of being married.’ She said still giggling.
A few hours later, her husband called and in less than 1 minute, the call ended. ‘Ody, you see it right? He just called to enquire about the children and while I was still asking how his trip was, the call went off. No, it isn’t a network issue, it’s been his way for years but he can comfortably talk with others for hours. Ody, speak to men.’
She said carefree.
I just nodded my head in agreement and felt bad he isn’t seeing the signs I’m seeing. No,she isn’t perfect but I can say with my full chest that he is blessed to have such a woman as a wife and mother to his children.
How do I tell him his wife isn’t calm because he is now giving her peace? How do I tell him his wife is now not ‘nagging’ because he has changed but because she has found someone who doesn’t call her a nag at every provocation.
How do I tell him his wife does not now care if he is away for two months without keeping in touch regularly because she now has someone that calls her everyday.
How do I tell him the spark on the wife’s face isn’t caused by him but her new found friend.
How do I tell him his wife didn’t suddenly become ‘understanding’ but she doesn’t care any longer because she now has someone that understands her.
‘Hope this isn’t an affair’, I had asked her. ‘Never, you know I can’t do that but this new found friend gives me peace and suddenly makes life beautiful again.’
I believe her but how do I convince her that most times it usually starts from a harmless chat and ‘bestie’ and graduates to something deeper if caution isn’t taken.
And in this case, when he does and is everything her partner isn’t.
Since I can’t tell them this, let me tell the men on my timeline.
Tend the garden God has given you. She needs your attention as well. If you haven’t been treating her right and do not want to lose her, it’s time you sit up and know that your marriage is also worth your time and attention.
You leave your own garden to go cheer another person’s garden.
I hope someone too doesn’t leave his own garden to take care of yours.
Pastor Jerry Uchechukwu Eze was right when he said,if you’ve repeatedly done something that’s hurting your spouse,stop now. One day, something will die and it will be hard to wake up.
Once a good woman gets tired.
Once a good woman stops loving.
Once a good woman keeps quiet.
Don’t think you’ve won.
You’ve lost big time.
Don’t wait for this to happen, please repent.
